I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
