did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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