Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
