Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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