I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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