I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
