I hate your face
I'm eating all of the evidence.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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