The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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