On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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