If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
