this beer tastes like vomit already
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
