I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
