God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
