That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
