It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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