best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
