Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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