I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
