Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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