This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
