3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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