I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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