This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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