My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
