I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
