3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
