Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
