you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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