In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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