I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
