Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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