But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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