Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
