Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
