you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
