he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
