The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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