I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
