I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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