So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
