If that was your dad, he is hot
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
