haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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