I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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