Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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