Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
