Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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