Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
