What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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