im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
