Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
