John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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