real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize