okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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