Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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