I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize