So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
