Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
