everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
