he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
