I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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