Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
