she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
