i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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