She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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