guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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