I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
