forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
