you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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