is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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