So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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