Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
