My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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