tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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