You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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