This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
