Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
