You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Randomize
