I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
