I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
