Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
