So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
