Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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